Yep…I’m coming out, folks. At 41 years old. I am a bisexual woman, and I’m married to a cishet man, who has always known my identity.
For years I have kept my sexuality under wraps. From my mother, regardless that she was my best friend, from my father, from pretty much everyone except those closest to me. I mean, when I came out of the broom closet to my mother and told her I’m pagan, her response was pretty much that the only thing that would stop me from going to Hell is having a good heart. Imagine what she’d have said if I told her I am bisexual!
When Prop 8 was going through the voting process in California, my mother was one of those who was misinformed about what was happening in schools in the state. She was under the false impression that schools were forcing children to learn about homosexuality, etc. And I heard her say some very hurtful things, not knowing her daughter has always been bisexual.
Other family members know some other people in my family who are transgender, gay, etc., and STILL say absolutely appalling things demanding they should not have the same rights as straight white people. Again, I chose to remain silent. And it made no sense for me to do so, because I couldn’t even get those family members to accept me as I am without revealing my secret. What a joke.
And then I hear some within the LGBTQIA+ community telling other bisexual men and women that we’re not part of the community. We’re outliers. And they’re wrong. Bisexual women and men are part of this community the same as gay, transgender, queer, and asexual people are. We do belong in the rainbow with you.
I remember during the 2016 election that people I know were speaking hatefully of the LGBTQIA+ community. My community. My aunt’s community. My friends’ community. My lovers’ community. Them not knowing of my sexuality didn’t help because I heard their honesty in what they thought about people like me. “Bisexuals aren’t gay. They can’t decide what they are…” etc., etc. Well, I can assure you, I am equally attracted to women as I am to men. I have no preference to either. I have dated and loved women as I have men. I married my husband because I love him, he knows who I am, and he understands me in a way most don’t. But I am still bisexual. I am still attracted to women. And I always will be. It’s who I am.
So, for people who are on my feed, whether it be Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, what have you…every time you speak ill of the LGBTQIA+ community, not only do you speak ill of my friends and my family, you are speaking ill of me. And if you think I don’t or shouldn’t have the same rights as you or you think of me as less human as you, then I honestly don’t know how we can remain friends. And at this point, after what I have seen and heard from some of you, it’s probably better that way.
I am proud of who I am. My only regret was not coming out sooner. That while I was voicing my support of those in the community, I didn’t come out myself. It’s my own bit of hypocrisy, and today I am fixing that.
I’m out. I’m bisexual. And I’m a mother. And if/when my daughter comes out, I will stand behind her and support her 100%. Because love is love, and when she is older, I hope she is able to find the love of someone regardless of their gender or sexuality.
Happy Pride Month to my Rainbow Family. I love you all.